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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546427">the only check to my list</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/whochanwoo/pseuds/whochanwoo'>whochanwoo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>times jeno thinks jaemin lives up to his "special friend" title [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Idols, Boys In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Post-Break Up, Social Media, Temporary Amnesia, i think i forgot to tag something..., oh yeah, so dont worry lads</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:55:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/whochanwoo/pseuds/whochanwoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span>“You remember me?” </span>
</p>
<p>  <span>“Of course I do. You’re the love of my life.” </span></p>
<p>  <span>Jeno knows there’s no backing out now. Even if he explains to Jaemin their situation, even if he talks about their break-up 15 months ago, the media has been involved. Jeno’s shackled down to Na Jaemin once again.</span></p>
<p>  <em></em><br/><span>「<b>K-POP Hallyu Star Na Jaemin Survives A Terrible Car Accident Prior To Suffering From Amnesia And Has Come Out As Gay!</b>」</span><br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>times jeno thinks jaemin lives up to his "special friend" title [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Today</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>smh im always starting something when im like left with an hour till my assignments are due,,, but srsly guys Content Warning: homophobic slur (like once) </p><p>this was inspired by my psych essay on what blunt force trauma could do to ur brain and i was like ah yes amnesia,,, a great plot stirrer,,, so i wrote this. honestly tho the amnesia part isnt that focused on teehee. enjoy reading~</p><p>OHHH alsooo uhh its my first time trying a social media au ish writing so yeah. i gotta say tho </p><p>THE DATES/TIMESTAMPS ARE IMPORTANT.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You remember me?” </p><p> </p><p>“Of course I do. You’re the love of my life.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeno stands in the doorway of the hospital ward, his eyes darting around to catch glimpses of the room’s reaction. The reporters standing by snap pictures at Jaemin’s statement, and they’re double-checking that their voice recorders are working just fine. Jeno knows there’s no backing out now. Even if he explains to Jaemin their situation, even if he talks about their break-up 15 months ago, the media has been involved. Jeno’s shackled down to Na Jaemin once again.</p><p> </p><p>「<span class="u"><b>K-POP Hallyu Star Na Jaemin Survives A Terrible Car Accident Prior To Suffering From Amnesia And Has Come Out As Gay!</b></span>」</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>          Na Jaemin is a rising star. He’s known all over the world for his charming smile and soothing voice. He’s also known to be a great role model for every parent and their kids. Na Jaemin donates, Na Jaemin helps, Na Jaemin is kind. He’s the kindest idol to ever have debuted, and everyone loves just how involved he is in the community. He has a lot of stalker fans, but not once has he sued any of them. Instead, he pays for their psychiatric treatments. </p><p> </p><p>Na Jaemin seems flawless, he seems perfect, but of course, not everyone is. The news that came out early this morning had contributed greatly to the drop of his popularity, and not even the kindest, grandest, most elaborate public stunt could boost it back up once more. He’s gay. And suddenly, he’s the name every parent warns their kids about. </p><p> </p><p>It’s a little fucked up, Jeno wouldn’t lie about that. How has the world digress so much that being a shitty immoral person is better than liking the same gender? He scrolls through the comments in Naver, hissing when he comes across a particularly homophobic comment on the article. Next to him, Jaemin stares in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re angry. Why?” Jaemin asks. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not,” Jeno responds instinctively. He locks the screen of his phone and hastily pockets it. </p><p> </p><p>“I know that face, Jen. You’re angry.” Jaemin sighs. He shifts to the edge of the bed, closer to Jeno, and he grabs his hands. “Come here.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeno obeys his words, only because he’s curious to know what Jaemin’s doing. “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“In the 13 years we knew each other, have I ever fallen for your lies?” Jaemin asks in a serious tone.</p><p> </p><p>Jeno stares deep into Jaemin’s eyes, gulping when he remembers what happened towards the end of their relationship. Jeno had lied so badly that even kindheartedly understanding Jaemin couldn’t face him. But Jaemin’s right, Jeno has never been able to trick Jaemin with his lies. The truth will always resurface eventually. </p><p> </p><p>“14,” Jeno mumbles. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Jaemin says.</p><p> </p><p>“14 years.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, okay, that’s a lot that I missed, then.” Jaemin pouts. </p><p> </p><p>“And it’s nothing much,” Jeno admits, “You came out and your fans now hate you. It’ll anger anyone who personally knows you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah… that…” Jaemin releases his hold on Jeno’s hands. His gaze falters, and his lashes flutter as he closes his eyes shut. Jaemin does this when he’s guilty, like he’s trying to force the regret away so he wouldn’t beat himself up too much for it. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about it. I shouldn’t have… just assumed you were okay with it.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeno cups the sides of Jaemin’s face, getting much closer than he allowed himself prior to this. He tugs Jaemin into his arms, and he embraces the familiarity of Na Jaemin. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jeno mumbles, the tremor in his voice now too intense for him to hide. He sobs with his face pressed in the crook of Jaemin’s neck, and he repeatedly apologises.</p><p> </p><p>I’m sorry, he says, and Jaemin can’t quite figure out why the love of his life is apologising as if everything is his fault. Jeno has never been able to trick Jaemin with his lies, but it doesn’t mean Jaemin calls him out everytime he tries. It’s moments like this when Jaemin knows that some secrets are better left buried in the memories he can’t regain. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>M☆ </b><span class="u">@cherryjaem</span> • 2h </p><p>JAEMINS GAY???? WTF ALL THESE YEARS I’VE BEEN STANNING HIM AND HE TURNS OUT TO BE A FAG? R U KIDDING ME?! </p><p> </p><p><b>Lily </b><span class="u">@njmily</span> • 2h </p><p>oomf told me mf is gay? brb burning his albums smh </p><p> </p><p><b>Zee 🐰 </b><span class="u">@jaemout</span> • 1h </p><p>*sigh* (deletes all his songs) </p><p> </p><p><b>mimi | she/her </b><span class="u">@najaem1n</span> • 31m </p><p>yall are just upset ur oppa won't marry you lmfao delusional asses NA JAEMIN I STILL LOVE YOU BABY DONT WORRY U DO U BOO </p><p><br/>
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  <b>shj178          ♡2237</b>
</p><p>Posted April 11, 2024</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b>NJM’s Boyfriend?</b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>GUYS OMG ok ok so the paparazzi got chased out of the hospital but ofc some camped outside and its true!!! jm’s boyfriend was with him, they were seen walking out of the hospital together. and that man even drived jm home! omg and guess what guys??? jm’s boyfriend is a total hunk he's so hot?? he looks familiar tho but god i wish i dated him instead. its ok njm’s boyfriend, i can pick up jm’s scraps &lt;3 </p><p> </p><p><span class="u"><em> Click to see 3 attached </em></span><em><span class="u">pictures</span>. </em> </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>          It’s been about 2 weeks and it’s been good so far. Jaemin must have gotten slightly suspicious when he saw Jeno’s almost-bare apartment. His stuff would have been there, his clothes, everything. Jaemin moved into Jeno’s humble apartment, after all, when they were still together. He doesn’t ask, doesn’t even act like he notices anything, and puts on Jeno’s clothes. </p><p> </p><p>They spend time together like they weren’t apart for over a year, like they didn’t end up on extremely bad terms. Well, Jeno supposes it’s true for Jaemin. </p><p> </p><p>Truthfully, he wasn’t even supposed to meet Jaemin, but he heard about the accident from Donghyuck, their mutual friend, and he found out that Jaemin lost some of his memory. Jaemin had specifically asked for Jeno, which was already enough for Jeno to figure out to what extent Jaemin’s memories were affected. They weren’t supposed to meet, not ever again, not till they die, and if the afterlife exists, not then either. </p><p> </p><p>It’s uncomfortable for Jeno. Yesterday, he was drinking a good amount of liquor that should have turned his organs rotten under seconds, thinking about Na Jaemin. Today, Jaemin insists Jeno helps out in the kitchen while he cooks for them both. Tomorrow… maybe Jaemin would regain his memories and remember their history, remember that they weren’t supposed to kiss like this. Weren’t supposed to love each other like this. Maybe Jaemin doesn’t ever remember. And Jeno would live with Jaemin again, love him again, and then feel guilty because this Jaemin doesn’t know what he’s had to go through because of Jeno.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want for your birthday?” Jaemin plops onto the couch in a heap of exhaustion. Mental exhaustion rather than physical exhaustion.</p><p> </p><p>He’s been told to take some time off because of the accident, and because of the news affecting his image. The company he’s signed to doesn’t like it, of course, but he’s their biggest star nevertheless, and his fanbase is still going strong though the numbers have dwindled a little. His managers were happy enough to provide him with anything he needed, though. They knew years ago of Jaemin’s sexuality, so he didn’t know why they kept on glaring at Jeno.</p><p> </p><p>“I want a house, I want a car, I want a new phone—” Jeno bursts out laughing when Jaemin swats the side of his arm. “I just want you to be healthy again, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so cheesy,” Jaemin scoffs. Then, he grins, a full set of teeth on display. 15 months and 8 days, and Jeno still loves that smile. “I love you, Jen, but seriously, what do you want?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeno goes quiet, pensive, as he really thinks of what he wishes for. Jaemin sidles up closer next to him, now completely draping half of his body against Jeno’s. He hums, looks down at Jaemin’s face and smiles serenely. His lips don’t quite reach his ears, and his eyes don’t crinkle. And for such an honest person like Jeno, it’s unusual.</p><p> </p><p>“Even if I wanted it, I don’t think I deserve it, Jaem.” Jeno pulls Jaemin closer to him, resting his chin on the top of Jaemin’s head. “For now, I want you to be healthy again.” </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin smiles, but his lips don’t quite reach his ears, and his eyes don’t crinkle. And for such a star like Jaemin… for him, it shouldn’t be this usual. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>「<span class="u"><b>The Gay Idol Na Jaemin Puts On An Extravagant Display For His Boyfriend’s Birthday!</b></span>」</p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>mimi | she/her </b><span class="u">@najaem1n</span> • 12m </p><p>my god j4em1n rented out the whole fucking area to celebrate j3n0’s birthday dkdjdjdn need me a boyfriend like that</p><p> </p><p><b>pam </b><span class="u">@nanayaa</span> • 9m </p><p>he even donated like 3million in je/n0’s name… sir… pay my tuition fees pls</p><p> </p><p><b>yunyin </b><span class="u">@rabbitjaem</span> • 9m </p><p>hi jaemin pls stop before u get on my rob list</p><p> </p><p><b>Zee 🐰 </b><span class="u">@jaemout</span> • 7m</p><p>why is he trying so hard lol </p><p> </p><p><b>mimi | she/her </b><span class="u">@najaem1n</span> • 6m</p><p>user jaemout still pissed her wittle oppa isn’t destined for her boo fucking hoo he likes men girlie he didnt commit a crime </p><p> </p><p><b>Zee 🐰 </b><span class="u">@jaemout</span> • 5m</p><p>oomfs i think someones obsessed with me help omg what do i do &lt;/3 </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>          “User ‘jaemout’ seems like a fun person,” Jeno snorts as he points out one of the many Jaemin haters online. Across from him, Donghyuck scowls. Seeing that, he pauses and blinks in confusion. “Why are you getting mad at me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why the fuck are you doing this to yourself?” Donghyuck spits out his words like they’re the harshest insults he can ever think of.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Jeno watches as Donghyuck stabs his fork hard into the bowl. He flinches when Donghyuck slams his fist on the table. “Dude, what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop playing dumb. I’m talking about Jaemin.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” Jeno lays his cutleries down. He brings his hands together and ducks his head down like a little kid receiving a scolding for eating too much candy before bedtime. </p><p> </p><p>“The fuck you mean, <em> oh </em>?” Donghyuck’s frown doesn’t ever let up while he nags. “If you’re not going to tell him, I will. If you do this, you’re going to hurt him and yourself.” </p><p> </p><p>“After he fully recovers. I’ll tell him after he doesn’t need to visit the doctors for checkups again.” Jeno gestures to the food before them. “Calm down, Hyuck. It’s not good to get angry in front of food.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you,” Hyuck says as a response. He picks up his bowl and resumes eating in silence. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…” Jeno mumbles to himself, chewing a mouthful of chicken. He recalls just how fucked he is, and adds on, “Fuck me…”</p><p> </p><p>After lunch with Donghyuck, Jeno heads over to the hospital around the corner to pick Jaemin up. He asks how the checkup was, asks if Jaemin is progressing well, and he drives them both home. It’s weird to call it home again. His apartment has always been home, but Jeno now associates home with Jaemin once more. </p><p> </p><p>The conversation with Donghyuck and his unending thoughts puts him on edge. Jeno isn’t as responsive, and he evades Jaemin’s touches the whole day. Jaemin doesn’t take it well. He’s always treated physical touch as an important part of life, of love, and once someone he cares about avoids touch, it tells him to step in.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong, Jen? You haven’t really been in a good mood after we got home.” </p><p> </p><p>There’s that word again. Home.</p><p> </p><p>Jeno smiles. “It’s nothing. I’m just stressed about work.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin falls silent for a moment. He breathes in, parts his lips, and sighs. “Work, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeno deflates in his spot, sinking further in his side of the bed. “I don’t know why I try. I can’t ever lie to you, but I still try.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Jaemin chuckles, finally, and it lightens the tense atmosphere by a tiny fraction. “You don’t have to always deflect by acting like things don’t matter.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeno doesn’t respond, so Jaemin reaches out. Hesitantly, he scoots towards Jeno and dives in for a kiss. They’ve done this a million times and Jeno still remembers what riles Jaemin up and what melts his fragile heart, he still remembers the scratch of Jaemin’s canine tooth against his tongue, still remembers how breathy Jaemin gets when Jeno caresses his waist. He remembers. That’s the thing. He remembers, and Jaemin doesn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin leans back, breaking the kiss to move further down. Jeno’s still fine when Jaemin’s leaving marks on his neck, he’s fine when they’re simply touching, but when Jaemin slides even further down to his bulge, an alarm in Jeno’s head goes off. His reflexes kick in, and he’s sitting up in a haste. Jaemin jolts from the sudden movement. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I can’t,” Jeno murmurs out as his voice quivers. “I can’t, Jaemin, I’m sorry. I’m—I love you, even now, I still do and I can’t do this to you again. I can’t—”</p><p> </p><p>Jeno sobs, cupping Jaemin’s face daintily in his hands. He kisses Jaemin’s left cheek before stumbling out the room while stuttering on a breath. Jaemin runs his hand through his hair, refusing to wipe away Jeno’s tear that had dropped onto his cheek. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope this chapter was a good read for you. youre welcome to comment and all that i dont bite, and i reply whenever i have time to check ao3 (not much these days but i'll eventually reply i promise) </p><p>also i'll update every 3-5 days! once im done writing chapter 3 i'll edit chapter 2, post it and then i'll edit chapter 3 to post it! </p><p>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Yesterday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What happened in the yesterday of their lives?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>guys please pay attention to dates and timestamps if there are any, its important to see the time flow of the events </p>
<p>also, before we start, do take note that this is not cheating because i just,,, im not in the mood for cheating tropes and before anyone says this is considered cheating i will tell you,,, no &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>nanajaem         ♡10112</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Posted February 15, 2022</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
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  <span class="u">
    <b>Na Jaemin’s Secret Lover</b>
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<p>
  <span>guys i have real actual proof that jaemin is dating someone. so like two days ago we saw him at a really expensive restaurant, right? and that restaurant is known to cover up celebrities who are dating. and we all saw jaemin going in with a guy, right? i have a huge suspicion that he went in with a guy to cover up the fact that his secret girlfriend was already waiting in there for him. he probably went with that friend of his to throw us off. hahahaha na jaemin you aint slick! </span>
</p>
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    <span><span class="u">Click to see 8 attached pictures</span>.</span>
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  <span>          “I can’t believe my sugar daddy is younger than me by, like, four months. That’s a year in sugar daddy language,” Jeno jokes when they’re ushered to their seat at the very corner. Jaemin listens in to Jeno’s excited rambling, choosing to mainly laugh for tonight. </span>
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  <span>It’s so rare for him to spend time with Jeno like this. He’s usually too busy working, too busy pleasing others that he can’t find the time to ask Jeno about his day. They love each other enough to work it out, but there’s still a few issues here and there that serves as a jab to their relationship. </span>
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  <span>“I love you,” Jaemin says at the end of Valentine's day, smiling lovingly at Jeno’s content expression. </span>
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<p> </p>
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  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I love you, too,” Jeno rolls his eyes in a teasing manner, smiling through it as he pulls Jaemin into a kiss. </span>
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  <b>M☆ </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@cherryjaem</span>
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  <span> • 12h</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sun Entertainment should let Jaemin rest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A thread. </span>
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<p> </p>
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  <b>Zee 🐰 </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@jaemout</span>
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  <span> • 10h</span>
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<p>
  <span>jaemin looks really tired, and he hasn’t been able to go home for 9 months straight. a world tour is nice or whatever since hes a global star, but Sun ent shouldn’t have made him work for 9 months straight like this. </span>
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<p> </p>
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  <b>mimi </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@najaem1n</span>
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  <span> • 4h</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>i rlly hope jaemin’s okay. sun ent’s about to be boycotted if they treat him like this any longer</span>
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  <b>1408jm           ♡22561</b>
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<p>
  <span>Posted January 13, 2023</span>
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<p> </p>
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  <span class="u">
    <b>Jaemin is exhausted and we demand for his rest. </b>
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<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Sun Entertainment,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I would like to kindly remind you that Jaemin is human. There is close to no harm in cancelling a few shows to ensure his health. You’re milking the poor boy dry. He has family, he has friends, and I’m sure he’d want to return home to see them. I’m sure he wants to rest. I don’t doubt that he loves his profession and his fans, we can all see that, but he needs rest. Let him rest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Let him rest. Don’t underestimate what his fans would do to you, Sun Entertainment, if Jaemin’s health deteriorates because of you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yours Sincerely,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>1408jm </span>
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  <span>          “Jen, you wouldn’t believe just what my fans did for me—oh.” Jaemin freezes as soon as he rounds the corner into the kitchen. “Am I interrupting something?”</span>
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<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re back.” Jeno gapes when the door unlocks and in comes Jaemin with his heavy baggage. “You’re really back?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno stares wide-eyed at Jaemin. He straightens up in his seat, wanting to stand but not knowing if he should. His gaze darts back to the girl sitting across from him at the dining table. The set-up looks exactly as it depicts. Two people dining together, with candles lit and fancy wine glasses; it’s a date. There’s no other way this could have been interpreted. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Jaemin gulps. He stares down the girl gaping at him too. His eyes sting, tears welling up. “I’m back.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaemin—” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need…” Jaemin interrupts him. “I need a minute.”</span>
</p>
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<p>
  <b>Aisha </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@princejaem</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 1m</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaemin’s been radio silence since he touched down in s.kor, hope hes getting lots of rest</span>
</p>
<p>
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<p>
  <span>          “I still love you,” Jeno sobs out, miserable, like he’s about to lose everything he’s ever cherished. Maybe it’s true. He feels their end nearing, and the longer this draws out, the more he thinks he won’t resolve this problem with Jaemin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you now?” Jaemin glares, his eyes bloodshot red. With every sentence he sputters out, the level of his voice increases. “I’m working my ass off and when I finally come back home, you’re going on dates with others! I’m so fucking stupid! I thought you’d be different. I hope you’d be the perfect one for me…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin wanted Jeno to be perfect. Somehow, in someway, that’s the one switch in Jeno that triggers the anger. He isn’t as sad as he was before. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair for him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course The Na Jaemin wanted perfection!” Jeno scoffs, screaming back. “I spent 9 fucking months waiting for your response, waiting for you to get back to me. What do you fucking think I’d expect after 9 months of silence? I called every day, I texted every day, and you ignored me. You ignored me! You ignored me again, and again, and again, so what was I supposed to do? Should I have waited for you like a perfect boyfriend would? I thought you wanted to break up with me but were too fucking cowardly to say it so you decided to ghost me!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would I have wanted to break up with you?” Jaemin shoots back, his face flushing red as his head throbs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because, Jaemin, I’m not perfect! I’m not! And you are. You’re perfect in every fucking way, Jaemin, and you can have everyone and anyone that grovels at your feet. I’m—I’m me. I’m just me.” Jeno seethes with anger, with frustration, but he controls himself enough to contain it. He doesn’t want to fully lash out at Jaemin, he can’t. “We’ve known each other for 13 years, even before you became a celebrity, but you have always been standing on a pedestal. You were born on it, Jaem! I can’t be perfect!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re perfect the way you are, I wanted you to be you—” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t give me that bullshit!” Jeno uses all the energy left in him to scream, making it clear that this particular issue isn’t something Jaemin can talk his way out of. “Admit it! I know you! You always say I can’t lie to you, but do you honestly think you can lie to me? You talk to me like I’m inferior sometimes, and it’s getting worse the more popular you get.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So you’re blaming this on my status as a celebrity?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Jeno wipes his tears away messily with the back of his hand. He calms down a little when he sees Jaemin’s unresponsive state. “I thought we were done, okay? If you followed your original schedule, you would have been away for a year. Would you have ignored me for a whole year then?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I…” Jaemin tries to speak but he cries instead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Worry fills Jeno’s mind. Jaemin has been silently tearing the whole time, but this time it’s different. Jaemin’s hiccuping, trying his best to mute his sobs. His eyes are shut close, and he’s scrunching his face as hard as he can. He only does that when he’s sorry and he wants to apologise about something. Jeno waits. He waits. He deserves an apology for getting ignored 9 months straight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I—” Jaemin stutters on a breath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Giving up on speaking, Jaemin shoves his fingers into his coat’s pocket and fishes out a red box. Jeno’s heart drops to the ground.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were going to propose?” Jeno squeaks out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ye-Yes,” Jaemin manages between a particularly taxing sob. “It was su-supposed to be a month of no contact, to make it a surprise. I'll—I was going to announce it in a sh-show, then I’d fly back to meet you and get your answer. But Sun Ent. found out a-and—” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And they cut your contact with me,” Jeno finishes for him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin nods his head, desperately wiping his tears away to look up and face Jeno. A few minutes pass by with Jaemin calming himself down. Jeno opts to stop thinking for just a moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Jeno. I didn’t know you felt that way this whole time,” Jaemin apologises, yet Jeno feels even worse than before. “And I’m not mad that you were technically on a date with that girl. I’m just disappointed I couldn’t get back in time. If you ignored me for that long, I would think you didn’t want anything to do with me either.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop what?” Jaemin asks in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop being so nice. It’s… miscommunication. It’s not your fault.” Jeno sniffles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, we’re done, then,” Jaemin announces all too suddenly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Jeno startles. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think being in a relationship where the other party feels like they’re never enough is healthy.” Jaemin’s gaze doesn’t waver. Jeno’s does. “We’re done, Jeno.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you change your mind if I begged?” Jeno says airily, ending his question with a similarly out-of-breath chuckle. “Jaemin, please.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were perfect for me. You still are.” Jaemin doesn’t cry anymore. He smiles as he directs his gaze to the ground, like he’s recalling the past memories he’s shared with Jeno. “I… It might be too much for you, or for me, but I don’t want to do this again, Jeno. We’ve… I… I don’t want to fight you again. I don’t think I can handle it. Normal couples fight, I know, but you—you’re special to me. I rather treat you like a stranger than fight you.” </span>
</p>
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  <b>Kay </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@hourlyjaem</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 48m</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>another preview?! sorry guys its just,,, how is this man all over the place jaemin babe calm down </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>mimi </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@najaem1n</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 45m </span>
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  <span>BLONDE JAEMIN??? IS THAT FUCKING BLACK HSIR? IS HE BLACK HAIRED OR BLONDE???? HELP HIS BUCKET HAT IN THE WAY MOVE </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Zee 🐰 </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@jaemout</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 41m</span>
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  <span>HES BOTH? ON THE SAME DAY? WWHATMMMF HES SO HOT BYE IM KIND OF SALIVATING </span>
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  <b>Lily </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@njmily</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 39m </span>
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  <span>STOP BEING HORNY ON MY TL IM TRYING TO FIND THE ACTUAL PICTURES</span>
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  <b>Aisha </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@princejaem</span>
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  <span> • 32m </span>
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  <span>haha jaemin sir haha i just turned 18 haha like 12 days ago haha </span>
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  <b>mimi </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@najaem1n</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 31m</span>
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  <span>@princejaem hag. </span>
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<p>
  <b>Aisha </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@princejaem</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 30m</span>
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  <span>@najaem1n AYE-</span>
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<p>
  <b>nanajaem           ♡1885</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Posted February 21, 2023</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b><span class="u">Na Jaemin, Full-Time Idol, Part-Time Superman Or Something.</span> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>HOW IS HE WORKING SO HARD AFTER ONLY A MONTH’S BREAK??? IS THIS SUN ENT FORCING HIM AGAIN? AND HOLY SHIT ANOTHER LEAKED PIC OF HIM GOING TO A CLUB????</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>honestly tho. let the boy live. hes old enough to party and shit. oh man imagine if youre clubbing then u see THE na jaemin in the flesh i would commit the end. I’D COMMIT THE END I TELL YOU THAT. </span>
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  <span>          Jeno eyes the familiar face lighting up the room as it normally would any day of any week. He sees the way girls gravitate towards him, and they dance. They dance. The longer they dance, the more Jeno drinks. The louder Jaemin laughs, the more Jeno drinks. The further Jaemin gets, the more Jeno drinks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He feels lightheaded, yet he feels heavy. Jeno can’t possibly know where he’s exactly going, or what he’s doing but he can understand enough to register that he’s in the toilet. He fills the nasty sink with water and dunks his face in. It’s cold, but it’s refreshing, and it makes Jeno cry his heart out. He whips his head back up when he hears the door swing open. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin comes in, totally sober, and looking totally somber. He meets Jeno’s red bloodshot eyes and freezes. His face is devoid of any emotion, of any thoughts that could possibly leak through for Jeno to read. That’s Na Jaemin for you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno scoffs. Weakly, he croaks out, “I hate you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno uses the back of his sleeves to wipe the water from his face away, sniffling when he hears no response. Without much thought, he goes on.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate you. When you’re not there, it’s empty, it’s cold, and most of all… you’re not there. It’s… My head hurts, my chest hurts, my body hurts, my legs hurt, my arm hurts, everything hurts.” Jeno chokes on a sob. He’s still very much drunk and this isn’t healthy. “And I’m scared. I’m terrified, Jaemin, of not having you even as a friend. I’ve never gone a day without you and you—”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno resorts to messily splashing his face again with water, hoping that his tears won’t make his eyes too puffy if he keeps them cold enough not to swell. He looks back at Jaemin, not minding the freezing water dripping down his chin in small droplets. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll survive,” Jaemin says. “We’re done, Jeno.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re… </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Jeno whispers. A second later, he raises his piercing stare up to Jaemin’s face to see something, to find something. He doesn’t know what, but he hopes it’s reluctance, or maybe willingness to accept him back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I said it, didn’t I?” Something flashes in Jaemin’s eyes. Pity, maybe? “We’re done.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Was I…” Jeno pauses to gulp, now fearing the answer to the question he’s about to ask. “Am I another </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span> to you? Another thing off your checklist of things to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span>? If I—If you—If I beg, will you give us another chance?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When there’s no response yet again, Jeno releases a shaky breath out before crouching down to sit on the floor. It’s dirty, and Jeno really shouldn’t, but it’s as if part of his nerves decided to shut down. He’s tired before anything else. He’s tired before he’s heartbroken, he’s tired before he’s drunk, he’s more tired than he is sad. He’s so tired of the past year or so where he had to keep on waiting, and hoping, and wishing for more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not Jaemin’s fault, and Jeno doesn’t doubt that when it lasted, Jaemin loved him just as much, but he had to endure so much while Jaemin was gone. He got fired from his job, he was hired for another job that underpays him, his mother fell sick, his father became a drunkard. There was so much that happened, and Jaemin hadn’t even asked him how he was doing before he broke it off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno feels a lot more betrayed than he should. Because, before all else, he expected Jaemin to be a friend. Even if they broke it off, Jeno expected Jaemin to be there for him as a friend, not as a lover, not as a celebrity who has too much money to spare, not as a stranger. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When I begged, I begged for a friend,” Jeno mumbles, his words slurring but not enough to be incomprehensible. “I begged for my friend. I begged for the boy who stood up for me back when I got bullied in middle school. I begged for the friend who would talk about saving the world at 3AM in the morning. I begged not for Jaemin the Star. I begged for my little Nana. But if you don’t even want to be friends then it’s fine. Let’s get this over and done with, okay? Fine, we’re done.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jen—”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who are you? It’s rude to stare at strangers, you know.” As he pretends, Jeno looks up—glares up—at Jaemin and finally sees a sliver of shock in his widened eyes, finally sees emotion in Jaemin’s face after this whole time. “Can’t a man get some drunk crying out? Leave me alone, dude.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing the newfound resolve in Jeno’s eyes, Jaemin has no choice but to back out. He blinks, once, twice, and he’s out the door. As soon as he leaves, Jeno bursts into a new set of tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno lies through his teeth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I hate you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he had said. </span>
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<p>
  <b>kpopdaily   </b>
  <b>  ♡6509</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Posted June 26, 2023</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Na Jaemin Bags A 6th Win!</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Congratulations to Jaemin for gaining his 6th win for Make a Wish! Everyone who performed for this week’s show did amazing, but as expected from a global star, Jaemin is in a totally different league! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rumours are saying he’s going to make another comeback next month! A summer comeback will definitely be looked forward to by new fans and seasoned fans alike. Stay tuned everybody! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Follow for more KPOP gossip! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span><span class="u">Click to see 4 attached pictures</span>.</span>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Here Are The Winners Of This Year’s Seoul Music Awards! Congratulations To All!</b>
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  <span>」</span>
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  <b>Kay </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@hourlyjaem</span>
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  <span> • 12m</span>
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<p>
  <span>THATS MY BOY. THATS. MY. BOY. </span>
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<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>mimi </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@najaem1n</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 12m </span>
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<p>
  <span>CONGRATSSSSS IM SO HAPPY JAEMIN U DESERVE IT UGH</span>
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<p>
  <b>Zee 🐰 </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@jaemout</span>
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  <span> • 11m</span>
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  <span>artist of the year AND album of the year AND song of the year? after being active for only 3 years? no ones doing it like him</span>
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<p>
  <b>Lily </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@njmily</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 11m </span>
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  <span>at this point yall should just deliver the awards to him instead of making him walk up there so many times lmaoooooo </span>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>You Won’t Believe How Much K-POP Star Jaemin Has Donated To Global Organisations So We Made A Compilation!</b>
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  <span>」</span>
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  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>K-POP Star Na Jaemin Warms This Winter Cold With These Few Acts.</b>
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  <span>」</span>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Global Star Na Jaemin Opens Up About Past Depression.</b>
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  <span>」</span>
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  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Worldwide Idol Na Jaemin</b>
  </span>
  <span>— </span>
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  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Global Artist Na Jaemin</b>
  </span>
  <span>—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Na Jaemin</b>
  </span>
  <span>—</span>
</p>
<p>
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<p>
  <span>「</span>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Jaemin</b>
  </span>
  <span>—</span>
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<p>
  <span>「</span>
  <span class="u">
    <b>K-POP Hallyu Star Na Jaemin Survives A Terrible Car Accident Prior To Suffering From Amnesia And Has Come Out As Gay!</b>
  </span>
  <span>」</span>
</p>
<p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PHEW THAT WAS UHHHHHHHH,,,,,, KINDA ANGSTY INNIT LMFAOOOOO I PROMISE THE NEXT CHAPTER'S NOT GONNA BE AS HEAVY AS THIS ONE I PROMISE. any angst lovers? cos i am a slut for angst. and if u read some of my other nomin works u would know the type of angst whore i am. just straight to the heart no remorse type of angst. </p>
<p>ANYWAY,,, i really hope u liked that and i hope you'd look forward to their progression in the next chapter, and more of jaemin and jenos thoughts better explained.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here ya go fellas. i hope this explains the whole dynamic these two share.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>          Donghyuck has seen enough of this. He has seen enough of a shivering Jeno waiting by his doorstep with a tear-stained face to know that the first thing he should never do is ask. This time, though, Jeno isn’t crying. Well, he wasn’t until he saw Donghyuck’s shock. He hasn’t had one of his episodes where he goes through another breakdown and decides to camp outside Donghyuck’s door in quite some time, but Jeno can’t help thinking that every emotion coursing through his veins is wonderfully familiar. Jeno’s walls fall right as Donghyuck pulls him into a much-needed hug. He trembles in Donghyuck’s hold, from the temperature and his emotions both.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s unfair, isn’t it?” Donghyuck whispers as he caresses the back of Jeno’s head. “You keep on blaming yourself, but we all know it’s not your fault, Jen. ” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I should have waited—”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you shouldn’t have,” Donghyuck’s stern yet soft spoken tone interrupts Jeno’s self-blaming speech. “You shouldn’t have waited because you didn’t know. You didn’t know. It’s not normal to wait for someone that long, Jen, and it’s not your fault for not waiting.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But he didn’t mean to—”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you didn’t know,” Donghyuck says. “It’s not his fault, but it’s not your fault too. But it’s extra unfair to you. You tried so hard to forget him after he pushed you away but now he’s back. It’s unfair.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno tightens his hold on Donghyuck, subtly nodding his head. Finally, he admits, “It’s unfair.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t it time you stop blaming yourself?” Donghyuck sniffles, and that’s when Jeno realises Donghyuck has been crying too. “It makes me sad seeing you and Jaemin both like this. Please, Jen.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Please what? Jeno wants to ask. He wants to ask what Donghyuck expects from him, what Donghyuck wants him to do. But then again, Donghyuck has always been the type to pray for his friends’ happiness even if he doesn’t believe in some higher power. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, Hyuck,” Jeno echoes back. </span>
</p>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>The Gay Idol Na Jaemin Seen Wandering Around The City Alone?</b>
  </span>
  <span>」</span>
</p>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Solo Idol Star Na Jaemin Seen Crying Alone In The Middle Of a Busy Street!</b>
  </span>
  <span>」</span>
</p>
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<p>
  <b>「</b>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Na Jaemin Seen Stumbling Around Downtown Drunk!</b>
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  <span>」</span>
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<p>
  <b>kpopdaily     ♡6509</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Posted June 11, 2024</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Side Effects Of A Terrible Accident Or A Terrible Break Up?</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin has been seen wandering around main downtown areas alone, and he has been spotted drunk on multiple occasions. Is this the psychological side effect of a terrible accident, or did he break up with his childhood best friend, now boyfriend, or potentially ex-boyfriend Lee Jeno? He was seen and heard mumbling “Why did you leave?” to himself, after all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span><span class="u">Click to see 16 attached pictures</span>.</span>
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<p>
  <span>          “Whychu do it, Babe?” Jaemin slurs out a question, his hooded eyes looking past the soju bottle he’s holding and into Jeno’s eyes instead. “Whychu come back now after leaving?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you still love me?” Jeno whispers, earnestly waiting for Jaemin’s response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I love you. God, I love you so much I’m scared of what I’d do without you.” Jaemin chuckles forlornly. “I luvyu, Lee Jeno, so much dat ‘m scared. It’s true! It scares me how much one person could mean sooooo much to me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno nods, smiling for a fraction of a second before hoisting Jaemin away from the bar. “Let’s go home, okay? I’ll tell you what you’ve missed in the past 15 months before you lost your memories.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin passes out in the car ride back home. Jeno helps wipe his makeup off once they’re in his bedroom. He sheds Jaemin’s clothes off before putting him in a new set, smiling when Jaemin thanks him in his slumbered state.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Donghyuck told him to make it right, and Jeno knows that’s another way of telling him to open up. He shouldn’t keep everything from Jaemin, he shouldn’t lie again like he did before. He should stop blaming Jaemin and himself both for what happened. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The next time Jaemin awakes, he finds himself alone in Jeno’s bedroom. There’s some type of commotion outside, and then comes the sound of glass shattering. Hastily, he jumps off the bed and almost trips on his own two feet on his way out the door. He’s met with the sight of Donghyuck tackling Jeno to the floor into a heap of distressed limbs. When Jaemin coughs to signal his presence, they both freeze in place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Nana,” Donghyuck smiles that smile he uses to charm himself out of sticky situations. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard something broke,” Jaemin says as he looks around them to see anything amiss. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, my heart,” Jeno mumbles from underneath Donghyuck. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking sap,” Donghyuck shoots right back, standing right back up once he’s tired of fighting Jeno.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, fuck you,” Jeno says once more, in the same level of volume and in the same tone of voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, but what’s going on?” Jaemin waves his hands in the air, gesturing to the odd atmosphere that has built up even before he’s stepped out of the room. He feels lost, like he’s missed out on so many inside news and no one cares enough to update him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a little upsetting, considering how it was supposed to be him and Jeno sharing the knowing glances he and Donghyuck have. They’ve known Donghyuck since their University years, but Jaemin has known Jeno since Middle School. He is as estranged to Jeno as a celebrity is to a fan. Jaemin hates the feeling of being estranged from Jeno.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Donghyuck stares at Jeno, his lips quirking into a grimace, and Jeno responds by raising his eyebrows while staring. About half a minute of simply standing in the middle of the kitchen in silence while they stare at each other before Donghyuck huffs and pivots on his heels.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m leaving. Bye, Nana. Fuck you, Jen,” Donghyuck switches from a sweet tone to a venomous one as he switches between talking to Jaemin and Jeno. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bye, Hyuck,” Jaemin waves. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno grunts out as a farewell bid. He claps his hands and smiles wide right as Jaemin’s eyes slide back to him. Jeno stretches his arms to his side, beckoning Jaemin over for a hug. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How’s the hangover, Jaem?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin, upon instinct, falls slack in Jeno’s arms. His limbs shut off, his breathing slows down, and he feels at peace. With his eyes closed shut, and Jeno’s warm fingers threading through his mess of hair, Jaemin can’t help sighing in content. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Jaemin says, which is totally called for given how comfortable he is, and how safe he feels with Jeno finally in his sight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno freezes. “Do you mean that? Even after I left?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Jaemin tries to nod but can only nudge his head against Jeno’s. “You did leave and went MIA for a week, but you must have your reasons.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I did,” Jeno quietly says.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Truthfully, I remembered something. One memory, that’s all.” Jeno pulls away from the hug, staring wide-eyed at Jaemin to see if he’s lying. Jaemin continues on saying, “I remember telling you we were done. We were in some toilet. And then you cried. No, you were crying even before that. And then you asked if you were just something that could be done like in a checklist. I remember feeling hurt when you said that, and feeling scared, and feeling regret most of all. And then you said… you said you wanted me back, and then I left, and…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And?” Jeno pushes on, trying to swallow the huge lump of emotions in his throat down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s all.” Jaemin gulps. “You’re not, you know?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not what?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not some check to a list. What I’m feeling right now might </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> like right now, but for you it’s in the past. So, whatever I did to you, what I’m feeling right now is what I felt in the past, before whatever that memory implied happened.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaemin steps back, inching away. He brings his hands together, his fingers instinctively finding its way to pick on his nails. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you feel?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m never enough for you,” Jaemin blurts out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a hard hit for Jeno to receive, because it’s the same thought he had. It’s the same point he brought up when they were tearing up, talking, and fighting. He wants an explanation, as soon as possible, but he fears what he’ll hear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How?” Jeno croaks out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I tell you I love you, I can spend so much money on you, I can hug you, kiss you, everything. But sometimes I feel like I’m not enough. I’m scared that you feel like you have to share me with the public. I’m scared. Sometimes, when you’re asleep and I get home late, I sit by the bed and I think I’m such a horrible person for leaving you alone. I have success, but at what cost?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I—”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, listen,” Jaemin shoots Jeno a look before adding on, “but I’m fine with it. I feel like I’m never enough but you’ve always told me I am, so I chose to trust you. I want to believe I am. And then I realised that it’s normal. Isn’t it? It’s normal to love someone so much you always want to do better and be better for them and for yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah,” Jeno’s voice breaks, quivering as he speaks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve been together for so long, and there isn’t a single day where I’ve gotten tired of you. That says a lot, Jeno. That speaks volumes.” Jaemin takes a deep breath in, smiling. “Even if we were to break up, my choice would always be to keep you as a friend.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not what you said,” Jeno cuts in, almost snapping. Then, he repeats it at a slower pace, calmly, “That’s… not what you said.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What did I say?” Jaemin’s eyes widen. To think they did break up is too much for him to take in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll start from the very top. You ghosted me for 9 months. I texted you every day, I called you every day, and you didn’t reply, but it wasn’t your fault. Your company prevented you from contacting me. You can ask Donghyuck,” Jeno starts, his eyes welling up with tears once again. “You can ask him. He saw me broken, like I was some ragdoll you got tired of. You responded to him, but you didn’t respond to me, and you could have told him to tell me. So, I asked him what I should do and Donghyuck told me to let go. So, I let go, and Donghyuck introduced me to some girl. And you came back. And you explained everything to me, about the proposal, and I felt bad, and I was ready to make it up to you, but you cut us off. You cut everything we had right off like you always did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like I always did?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s the last thing you remember after the accident?” Jeno searches Jaemin’s eyes for any sign of discomfort, because he hoped he wouldn’t have to talk about this again. He has to, though, because this time he’s talking to the past Jaemin once again and it’s a chance to say his fill and get a closure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The Valentine’s date?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember how you ignored me for two weeks because of work?” Jeno hopes his fragile heart doesn’t give up on him now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was busy with work, I had no choice—”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There we go. Do you know why I never felt like I was enough? Because you keep on prioritising your work over everything. And it’s… it couldn’t have worked that way because sometimes you make me feel like I should work my ass off just to meet you. You made me feel like I was just another passing fan in the crowd. And I’m not. I wasn’t, and I’m still not. And this, along with 9 months of ignoring me, I assumed you broke up with me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell me all this?” Jaemin seems affronted, like he couldn’t believe Jeno wouldn’t be honest with him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“After you got back from the two weeks, I told you, and we fought, remember?” Jeno sniffles. “And at the end you said you were sorry, and that you’d try. Then, we went on that date, and then you were gone again. I’m so tired of blaming myself, Jaem, because it wasn’t my fault, and I have to be honest with you… I couldn’t do it at first. I couldn’t accept that you broke up with me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Jaemin relents from talking over him, now deciding to hear Jeno out completely. Looking back, he realised he should have done more. He has done so much for the world, so much for people, but he’s bitten more than he can chew. Here stands someone who loved him for him, for who he really is, for the person who’s made mistakes and learned from it and made more mistakes, and Jaemin took that for granted. “Why couldn’t you accept it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because, Jaem…” Jeno sighs, tired of crying. “Whenever we fought because of you—because of what you did—it was fine to you. But at the end of our last fight, you said we were done because you’d rather treat me as a stranger than fight me. You made the decision, and you upped, and you left. How is that fair?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He tells Jaemin the whole thing, he recites the A to the Z of the story, from 1 to infinity of the emotions they both went through. He tells Jaemin of the blame he’s placed on both of them, on him alone, and then on none of them. He tells Jaemin how he hasn’t gotten over him even after 15 months. They ended on such bad terms, Jaemin’s face which was full of tears haunts Jeno’s peace and quiet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then, Jeno tells Jaemin how the misunderstanding had left them broken into pieces, how the image of “us”, as he would put it, was ruined by a simple misunderstanding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We broke up?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We broke up, Jaem,” Jeno sounds sorry, like he didn’t want to be the one to break the news either, like he’s still equally as hurt by it 15 months after it has passed. </span>
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<p>
  <b>mimi | she/her </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@najaem1n</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 22h </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaemin dont ghost us like this say hi throw some ass or do smth god pls</span>
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<p>
  <span>          “What do you want, Jeno?” Donghyuck sets a cup of coffee onto the table, watching carefully for any sign of discomfort on Jeno’s face as he takes a seat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He may be annoying sometimes, pissing Jeno off or getting angry at him like it’s his second nature, but when it’s time to be serious, Donghyuck knows the exact approach he should take. He’s spent years hearing stories about what kind of people Jaemin and Jeno are, and he’s learnt how to use that information to help them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I want.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s your decision,” Donghyuck says. That catches Jeno off guard. “Don’t give me that look. It’s your decision because you’re the only one who knows the full story and remembers it. Jaemin might be the one to call it off, but he’s in no position to make a sound decision for the both of you. But, obviously, he wants to be with you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want that too…” Jeno trails off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But?” Donghyuck prompts him on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But it’s so easy to go back to normal.” Jeno scoffs. “And I mean easy, as in, long-term. We can easily continue what we had, and we’d easily be able to keep our relationship.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then, what’s stopping you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I’m scared, Hyuck? Has that ever occurred to you?” Jeno snaps his gaze up at Donghyuck. The look on his eyes warns Donghyuck of pushing his buttons too much. “I don’t want to go back to square one of always trying to chase after his shadow. I don’t want to feel used like that. 15 months ago, he was my best friend before anything else.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Donghyuck gulps, searching through his brain for the right words to respond with. Warily, he says, “Jaemin is… one of the nicest people I know… but he’s treated you like you’re lesser, and I can see that. And you can’t even get mad for long because he’s doing it without realising.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what, Hyuck?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But maybe give it one last chance?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Jeno grits his teeth. “Why should I?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You want your best friend back, Jen. Even if you don’t want him as a boyfriend again, I know you want your best friend back. He wasn’t such a good boyfriend towards the end, but he has always been a great best friend. Maybe you weren’t the perfect boyfriend either, but you were his perfect best friend.” Jeno nods to Donghyuck’s words, so the latter continues on, “And that’s what hurt you the most, wasn’t it? That he threw away your friendship just like that.”</span>
</p>
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<p>
  <b>yunyin </b>
  <span class="u">
    <span>@rabbitjaem</span>
  </span>
  <span> • 1m</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>ja3m1n posted a pic of cherry blossoms, where the hell did he get that theyre out of season</span>
</p>
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<p>
  <span>          “I’ve been shit to you,” Jaemin says simply, standing shoulder to shoulder with Jeno as they look up at a huge fake cherry blossom tree planted in a plot of land Jaemin previously bought. “I’m sorry, Jen.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been shit to you, too, Jaem.” Jeno purses his lips tight, glancing at the side to see Jaemin’s exquisite side profile. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That thing you told me,” Jaemin takes in a shaky breath, “about starting over…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mean start over in our relationship. I mean starting from the very first. Start over in our friendship too.” Jeno smiles—he finally smiles, finally feels like it’s okay for him to smile and feel this content. “It may feel like a step back for you now, Jaem, but once you remember everything, it’ll feel like a thousand steps forward. For you, it’s us taking a step back from lovers to friends.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But for you, it’s like taking a thousand steps forward from strangers to friends.” Jaemin nods. “I get it. I really do. I get it. And if we still love each other in the end…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If that happens, or when that happens, we’ll figure it out.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Will we?” Jaemin fidgets on the spot, getting restless at the thought of losing Jeno. “I have a question.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What question?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Will we go back to what we were?” Jaemin looks hopeful, like he wants Jeno’s answer to be yes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If we do this right, we’ll be better, don’t you think? Don’t you want better?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want better.” Jaemin’s eyes crinkle as he smiles. “As long as it’s with you, I’ll always want better.”</span>
</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>rlly long facts and scenes:</p>
<p>1. i wanted to mention that even tho i wrote more of jeno's point of views, it's important to say that they were both equally at fault for this situation. for jaemin, it was mainly the girl that was the last straw. and for jeno, it was cos jaemin had a lot of choices during the 9 months and even though i didnt mention those choices in detail, you can imagine that it's almost impossible for him not to get even a single chance at contacting jeno. he could contact hyuck. there was always a way. </p>
<p>2. even if jaemin had gotten around to propose, jeno would have said no oops (insert sad face emoji) its cos their relationship was super rocky. i did mention it in chapter two. a whole paragraph wait lemme insert it; [It’s so rare for him to spend time with Jeno like this. He’s usually too busy working, too busy pleasing others that he can’t find the time to ask Jeno about his day. They love each other enough to work it out, but there’s still a few issues here and there that serves as a jab to their relationship.] this paragraph said A LOT about where their relationship stands.</p>
<p>3. and because of the reoccuring ignorance from jaemin because of work, jeno would have self-esteem issues obviously, which explains the part where he doesnt ever feel like hes enough</p>
<p>4. i didnt want to instantly make them get back together as a couple, and instead got them back together as friends because jeno was hurt the most by the fact that jaemin didn't prioritise their friendship before work or love. and because they needed to work on themselves as people rlly. jeno with his self esteem issues and his trust issues and jaemin with his neglecting attitude.</p>
<p>5. hngh i rlly hope this satisfied you and that you understand why i didnt include in the fluffy sappy romance at the end.</p>
<p>6. SPOILER ALERT they do fall back in love and they were better than before </p>
<p>7. i wanted to write a few more chaps to show them progressing back to lovers but i think ending this when they start to pick up where they left off is a nice contrast. </p>
<p>pls leave lots of comments if you have em, i welcome any and all comments! and thank you for the kudos yall 🥺 thank you for coming this far with this fic. i held it close to my heart ok since i liked the whole complication thing</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed reading! youre welcome to leave any comments any kudos anything!</p>
<p>my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/warmdaelight/">IG</a> | <a href="https://twitter.com/jenoryy">TWT</a><br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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